Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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