I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
