Four minutes until I can fart!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
