Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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