she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
as a side note pls kill me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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