Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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