Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
