Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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