I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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