I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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