I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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