she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
