My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
