Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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