We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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