Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
