did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
