I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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