Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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