How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
