even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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