found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
