would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We just shotgunned beers for America
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
