YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
