TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
