I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
