Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
