end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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