Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will be naked everywhere
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
