she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
