We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
