I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
