I heard we made out
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
