So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
