Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
