Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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