I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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