if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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