is your mom at the bar?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
