I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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