I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
