im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
