@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
