Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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