I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
