He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
