2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
