we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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