i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
