see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
